Mr. Picklez Goes To Washington

From what my handlers tell me, people been sweatin' pretty hard cause Picklez hasn't written something for a while. I can understand that. For real, I do. I once didn't listen to a recording of myself for a week because I was leading a spiritual meditation retreat in Bhutan and I felt myself, you know, dying on the inside.

As always, I've been up to enormously, tremendously, ground shattringly big things, and this is why you have not heard from me. I've been in Washington, DC for the last 7 days, and am ready to announce that a Crunchy White memorial will be completed within one year at the site of the former Lincoln Monument. In discussions for a long time with the department of the interior, the final decision to leave the White House in its current location was made after I realized that it just wasn't the right piece of land for Crunchy's eternal shrine.

I'll be hittin you with more details as I get them but let me tell you what to expect. "The Crunchy" as the monument will be called, will be the first national landmark with a velvet rope, bouncer, and guestlist. Once inside, a 50' x 50' marble statue will eternalize Crunchy in "The VIP Section of History." Picklez will be holding his Grey Goose bottle westward, symbolizing the never-ending search for dime-pieces. Young Lil's cocaine filled hands will extend eastbound, while Lil' August will be symbolically breaking a drug-filled Mexican pinata with simply his gaze. The words "Et tu, vendi vicci Champodka et Fleep Floop" will appear in neon strip club lighting above the memorial to symbolize the pointlessness of existence before Crunchy White.

Admission will be $250 for adults, and $175 for children and infants.