How to Have Sex With Crunchy White

Just to clear things up. Crunchy doesn't try to get laid. They're supplied with a printed catalogue featuring every woman who's in the audience at their show or in the crowd at a club. Upon entering any space where Crunchy may be within 500 miles, a woman is required to have her picture taken for the chance to sleep with a member of Crunchy that night. She's then given a small beeper, like the ones supplied at restaurants when you're table's ready. Should the beeper go off at any time before 8:00am the following morning, that woman has a 1 in 10,000 chance to sleep with a member of the group, and must start heading toward the group's location for the off chance the beeper goes off again. This will take her odds down to 1 and 9000. Should the beeper go off again, the woman must start jogging lightly toward a faint light in the sky, launched by phelps, to help guide all the potential skanks to Crunchy's location. Every time the beeper goes off, the odds decrease by 1,000, and the woman must then enter into a full sprint toward Crunchy. The first major landmark is 1 in 5,000 odds. At this point, the woman must survive a Crunchy-designed obstacle course, complete with a Gator-infested moat, molten lava rain shower system, and mine fields in order to remain eligible for that Auggie penis. The handful of skanks that complete the course are then offered a pair of plastic roller skates that strap on to your feet, but are not actual full-booted roller skates comonly used in roller rinks or derbies. They then skate into oncoming rush-hour traffic for the next 4 hours in the pitch dark. In the off-chance a few of the skanks survive this crucial phase, they are then provided with a vision street wear-designed skateboard in order to traverse the himilayas. None of the women who enter the himalayan phase of their journey have ever made it to Crunchy for their Coke N' Ass Sex Reward session. Therefore the group has never bothered to figure out what the next phase would be. Instead, after realizing the skank probably died, they wind up porking the one to they left and right side.

One,
-Phelps